A 20 Something & A Pandemic

I am writing this piece in the front yard of my family home in Southern California, where the weather is warm and sunny; not at all a parallel to the tragedy happening beyond the fence. COVID-19, you have put the icing on the cake for 2020, and no one likes this flavor. 

There is so much I want to say about this time and how it has made me feel. There is nothing I wouldn’t give to have this go away and return to normal. But the reality of it is, this is now and will be until it isn’t (which is hard to make sense of but no one can make sense of anything lately). Everyday my mindset and outlook changes, which I have learned to be OK with, allowing myself to feel the ways I do, because it just is what it is.

The negative: I am graduating college in a week. I am graduating college without a ceremony, without closure, without my “lasts,” without my friends, without a handshake and tossing my cap. Instead I am graduating college on my couch alongside a global pandemic which I thought was something I would only read about in history books. Ironically, this will be in history books, we just have to live through it first.

I’m so upset for so many reasons. Being twenty-two and being back at my family home rather than living with my best friends. Being an almost-graduate not able to go job hunting. I’m upset that I can’t go do the things I enjoy most, like going to new restaurants and traveling. I’m upset that there are people who don’t care about the well-being of others, continuing to go out and ignoring health officials’ precautions. Mostly, I’m upset that this happened at all and put the whole world to a complete halt. No one is sure when anything will go back to normal so we just sit and wait. It’s difficult to process and I hate the uncertainty of it all. 

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The positive: I am graduating college in a week! I am graduating with a Bachelor of Arts degree in Communications and Media Studies. I am still working, remotely, but lucky to be working and earning money. I am still getting my education, remotely, but continuously learning. Thanks to modern technology, I am constantly connected to my friends and extended family, just at a distance. I am graduating alongside a global pandemic, experiencing history as it unravels. My future children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren will read and learn about something I lived through.

I’m so grateful for so many reasons. Being twenty-two and having safe place to be with my healthy family. Of course I miss my friends, but I’m happy they are safe and healthy, too. I am grateful that my mom is still teaching, to have my dad around to do fun projects with, and for my brother getting the opportunity to choose an outstanding college for his next four years. I’m grateful that I have the time to learn and discover new hobbies, like cooking/baking and applying my creativity. I’m grateful for those who step up and help others during this time, especially the medical professionals who are working tirelessly. Mostly, I’m grateful for this time to reset, to accept the unknown and to do the things we “didn’t have the time” to do. Sure, it’s difficult to process, but there is no room to be selfish when the whole, entire world is looking for hope.

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Overall, yes, the current situation is unfortunate in so many different ways. Human lives are being lost, the economy is tanking, people are anxious. But what I have learned from this, is that it is ok to feel all the feelings. It’s ok to have bad days, it’s ok to feel upset. But it is also important to remember your blessings, remind yourself what you are grateful for, try new things, take a step back and pause. Because of the uncertainty, all we can do is protect ourselves and others by being patient and gracious. And that has taken a long time for me to understand and accept, because nothing about this is easy, but we can put our minds at ease for a little bit by slowing down. I know the world will keep spinning and we’ll be back to our fast-paced lives before we know it.

 

G.